im six kinds of drunk right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize