I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
