Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
