I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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