they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
