A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
