well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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