My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
