Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
