I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
third nipple confirmed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
