You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
