dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
