im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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