The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUCK WHALES
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
