you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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