is your mom at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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