My liver just broke up with me...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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