This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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