This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
