I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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