my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
