If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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