I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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