3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
