she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
