was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
