I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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