What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize