The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
