I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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