Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this beer tastes like vomit already
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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