I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize