Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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