theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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