Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
