i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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