i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
