Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
