remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
