Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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