uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
