I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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