She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
