Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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