i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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