Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
