Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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