Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
