I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
