I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
