Dual....:-)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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