i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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