Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
