Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
