I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
