I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
