you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
