doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
