Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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