Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
