She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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