My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
