Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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