She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
