he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
