cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
