He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
