Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
