if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
