She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
two words...techno handjob
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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