I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
