the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
