Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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